#1688: Stephen Che Halbrook

Well, Matthew Hagee may be an utterly deranged loon, but for frothing, sadistic bloodthirst and evil he probably doesn’t hold a candle to Stephen Che Halbrook. Halbrook runs something called the Theonomy Resources and is a teacher at The New Geneva Christian Leadership Academy, a “college-level” “school” endorsed by people like Gary DeMar, Ray Moore of Frontline Ministries and the Exodus Mandate, and Mark “we must base our laws on faith, not reason” Rushdoony, the vile spawn of R. J. Rushdoony himself. Halbrook is the author of a 2011 book called God is Just: A Defense of the Old Testament Civil Laws (oh, yes, precisely), which is apparently an extension of a Master’s thesis presented at Regent University in 2008. The book, which is hardcore even by dominionist standards, promotes the idea that government should use the Old Testament moral code as its basis for civil law, including the death penalty for blasphemy, idolatry, sabbath-breaking, disobedient children, adulterers and gays. Apparently having capital punishment for violators of biblical law benefits society, as Halbrook sees it, but his understanding of the word “benefits” seems to be unidiomatic.

And yes, he advocates the death penalty for disobedient children: “To all this we must add that capital sanctions for those who repudiate parental authority protect the family from treason. Many today would think capital punishment for treason against the family is extreme, but on the other hand, capital punishment for treason against the state is a necessity.” I don’t think you need us to point out some flaws in that analogy. And for breaking the Sabbath? “Given the evidence that criminality begins with Sabbath breaking, we see the importance of the Sabbath capital sanction. Fear of execution by the state deters many would-be criminals from embracing a life of crime and executing innocent people. Thus the more lax society becomes regarding the Bible’s penalty for Sabbath-breaking, the more society can expect to contend with crime. ‘[T]he wages of sin is death’ (Rom. 6:23), and so we shouldn’t be surprised that the wages of the heinous sin of Sabbath breaking on a societal level results in death on a societal level,” which may just be the most amazingly malicious and delusionally insane passage ever recorded on the Internet. Ok, his justification of the death penalty for blasphemy comes close: “In sum, the purpose of civil government is not primarily to defend the rights of man, but the rights of God. God’s rights over the state entail the state’s requirement to recognize God as Lord over the state (i.e., the highest political authority), and the state’s requirement to execute God’s wrath in His prescribed manner. This in no way diminishes human rights, but increases them. As we can see from the necessity of theocentric laws that we discussed, to disregard God’s rights —which are the rights from which all human rights derive — is to disregard man’s rights. And what right of God is more fundamental than not to be blasphemed?” Just think about it. Halbrook didn’t. Will his master’s thesis supervisor please go have a chat with some real grownups? (Halbrook probably shouldn’t be let near anyone, grown-up or otherwise.)

And the gays? Ah, Halbrook’s chapter on homosexuality is riddled with quotes from Scott Lively’s book The Pink Swastika, and endorses Lively’s claim that Nazism is a “sodomite movement.” Not that Halbrook really needs the connection to justify his conclusion about gays: “justifying sodomy on the grounds of it being a private act doesn’t work, because it contributes greatly to a society’s cup of iniquity that can result in God’s destruction of that society. What good is it for a society to promote the freedom for all to participate in the lifestyle of their choice if a society isn’t around to promote it?” Ah, yes: what good is allowing sodomy if God is going to destroy society over it. Apparently capital punishment for sodomy will also help sodomites themselves by preventing them from committing suicide as a natural consequence of their sinful lifestyle. Which is, in a deranged sense, true.

And yes, if you wondered: Halbrook does think that stoning and burning are proper methods of capital punishment.

The book has been endorsed e.g. by Buddy Hanson, the Alabama representative to the Exodus Mandate, a home school support group, who said that “With God’s grace, God Is Just: A Defense Of The Old Testament Civil Laws will be used to bring American Christians to repentance and back to honoring God’s Word through their daily decisions.” Halbrook actually refers to Hanson to justify imposing biblical laws on a society: “By not ‘imposing’ Christian beliefs on others, we allow them to ‘impose’ their beliefs on us […] Pluralism is no less impositional than other political system – and actually, it is potentially the most impositional […] pluralism naturally tends towards outright totalitarianism, and even imperialism.” And no, this is not a parody. At least Halbrook also denounces the Christian right for lack of integrity.

Diagnosis: Yes, there are people more extreme, fanatic and ideologically pure than Boko Haram. And please maintain your distance to this one; love and compassion will probably be futile.

#1687: Matthew Hagee

Matthew Hagee is the spawn and aide of deranged lunatic John Hagee and responsible for much of the televangelism perpetrated by John Hagee Ministries. Matthew is deranged as well.

Like his father, Matthew entertains a love-hate relationship with the end-times, which he, like Harold Camping and others (like his father), believes is imminent: On the one hand they welcome it, while on the other they offer dire warnings and much gnashing of teeth about how certain political decisions they don’t like are bringing it closer (and please: take a moment to think about how abysmally moronic and childish it is to respond with “it’s going to bring about the end times” to political decisions you don’t like). For instance, according to Matthew Hagee:

-       The 2013 DOMA ruling is a sign that “the rapture of the church is about to occur” (i.e. “send us money”)  since today all of the same things are taking place as occurred during the days of Noah, such as men being wicked and atheistic, and during the days of Lot when “men had given up the natural affections for women and were lying with other men.” (Marriage equality also “kills capitalism” – which I guess is a rather trivial corollary of it bringing about the end times).

-       The 2013 Navy Yard shootings were a sign of the end times, and possible military action against Syria could lead to World War III, and thus the fulfillment of Jesus’ assertion that “you will hear of wars and rumors of wars” as the End Times approach, since wars and rumors of wars are a new thing.

-       Obamacare (of course) is paving the way for the Mark of the Beast and then to the endtimes

-       The 2014 ebola crisis is a sign of the end times (according to John Hagee it is proof that God’s judgment is on America for failing to support Israel … wait, what?)

-       Climate change is a myth because it contradicts the Bible, and therefore a sign of the end times (no, we cannot really make sense of it; don’t blame us). Instead of caring about the environment we should tell people about Jesus.

As a response to the woes of society of present – with civil rights and the separation of church and state and all that – Matthew Hagee recommends more dominionism, and to achieve this Christians need to use “spiritual violence” (whatever that is) – in America at present secularists have “become violent with people of faith” (apparently meaning that not everyone subscribes to the same doctrines as Hagee and gay marriage is legal – according to Hagee, Christians are soon going to be declared “enemies of the state” and thrown in jail, or worse), and Christians need to fight back: “There is a value in spiritual violence,” since it will … prevent or postpone the end times? Wait, that can’t be it, can it?

One of the oppressive, ungodly tactics of secularists is science, and in particular science education: science, English, and math are only ungodly if they are not taught from the perspective that “God is the source of all knowledge,” but “whenever you use science to teach the deception of evolution, that’s ungodly”. Evolution, according to Hagee is a “lie from the pit of hell” and has “cost us 55 million Americans” since it is to blame for legal abortion (he doesn’t explain). It is also to blame for the uproar over Cecil the lion’s death, which is ostensibly of the devil as well. As Hagee sees it, schools have been telling kids “that we were the highest form of a scientific process called evolution. ‘There’s just one little chromosome between us and Cecil the lion.’ Thank God for that chromosome, because it gave me a finger and I can use it to pull the trigger.” It seems that Matthew Hagee must have skipped that day when they explained evolution at his school, and that this wasn’t the only class he missed.

Apparently he has also been involved in the construction of another Noah’s Ark replica in San Antonio; though it is somewhat scaled down (a “two-story ship with 16 life-sized passengers,” including a giraffe), it cost 5 million and “aims to spur wonderment but also to underscore the Bible’s authenticity,” said Matthew Hagee. It even got real animatronics! “You’d be hard-pressed to find any church with animatronics,” said Michael Chanley, executive director of the International Network of Children’s Ministry. How could it (as opposed to words) fail?

Hagee is, of course, also an advocate of faith healing. Indeed, he claims that healing in Jesus’s name always works: Sometimes instantaneously, other times over a longer period … and sometimes the person dies, “but that does not mean they’re not healed.” As he reminds us, “The Bible says that when we get into presence of God that every sickness, every infirmity, and every kind of weakness is gone, which is an absolute and total healing.” Just think about it.

Sometimes, though, Hagee suggests less lofty and abstract tools to counter societal ills. For instance, to prevent mass shootings he has suggested that we should just outlaw video games. He agreed with radio show host Trey Ware that we also need “common sense gun control”, which means that we need to “repeal a lot of the restrictions on the Second Amendment” and “outlaw the gun-free zones,” and helpfully offered the 1890 massacre at Wounded Knee as an example of the dangers of gun control. As for gay marriage, it doesn’t only usher in the end times (and kill capitalism); it also destroys our ability to survive because it undermines the family and is a tool of Satan. Indeed, gay marriage is apparently so silly that, according to Hagee, “people who are educated cannot look at two men married and say ‘that’s right’”. But then, Hagee presumably has a pretty eccentric idea about what “educated” means.

Diagnosis: It’s another John Hagee, only more deranged and less sympathetic. Yeah, it’s pretty bad.

#1686: Richard Gunther

If density annoys you, you better stay well clear of this one. Richard Gunther, of Living Waters Ministry, is a cartoonist and creationist. In fact, he is Ray Comfort’s official cartoonist, and probably one of the dumbest creationists you’ll come across on the whole, wide Internet. His cartoons are more like … illustrated creationist talking points, and Gunther doesn’t really have the faintest idea what the theory of evolution actually is or how science works. Actually, Gunther’s misconceptions and errors are so staggering that it really has to be seen – here you go, but brace yourself and expect to lose some intelligence points. If you don’t want to try, you can instead ponder this statement: “A while ago I drew a cartoon as a joke, with the picture of hairy primate and the words to the effect: ‘If we come from apes, and if humans are “fitter” than apes, then how come there are still apes?’” Oh, yes, he did. He did also receive some flak for that one, to which he offered the Ray Comfort response to making a fool of himself with the banana argument: “This joke was drawn and written for its humour, not its accuracy, because of course it is downright silly to argue this way.” So it was really a joke on the expense of creationists? (Otherwise, what was the joke? … are we just trying to furiously backpedal here, Richard?) And he carefully explained: “Just because humans are ‘fitter’ than apes does not mean that apes ought to be extinct.” Indeed, “[t]here are also many examples of very ‘unfit’ plants and animals, such as the panda which lives almosty exclusively on bamboo, or the koala which likes mainly eucalyptus. Most ‘unfit’ yet they survive.” No, he doesn’t get it. Not even close. And for the grand non-sequietur, he once again offered an illustration of how silly evolution is. It is best quoted at some length:

“[L]et us see where the Darwinian view leads, if we follow it through: Darwin saw Mankind as the product of millions of years of slow development, an increasing trend, from lower to higher levels of intelligence and complexity – a development which he claimed was a normal part of living things. Apply a logical progression to this: If this premise is true we should see:

- A continuing improvement in average human phisique, health and resistance to biological opposition over time,

- A continuing increase in average human intelligence, and technology,

We do not see any of these things. The trend is the other way. Darwin’s theory of evolution upward doesn’t fit the real, observed world.”

You can’t but marvel, can you? Well, Gunther can back up his hypothesis about the devolution of human civilization, don’t you know: “Health? Humans are increasingly beset by new diseases (small pox, malaria, cholera, ‘black death’. etc)” Ok, one down – evolution is refuted by recent increases in incidents of cholera and the black death (and note that according to biologists the theory of evolution applies only to humans, not other organisms). What about technology and intelligence? “How[sic] Intellect? Increasingly discoveries of ancient civilizations are revealing that those people were actually brighter they we are in many ways (i.e. huge monuments made of incredibly heavy stones, the antikathera, astronomical knowledge, metal-work, more complex languages, etc.” Perhaps the rocks were just heavier back in those days. And yes, Gunther is, in full seriousness, trying to argue that our intellectual level has exhibited a downward trend since the stone age by using examples from technology. And he is doing so in a desperate attempt to falsify a ridiculous strawman of evolution (“[a]ccording to [Darwin], evolution for humans is all up and up”). The failure is, in other words, so complete it transcends stupidity. You can’t make this up.

The conclusion Gunther draws from his inane ravings is, of course, that evolution couldn’t have happened (remember he is still dealing with his weird misconception about what it is) and you should accept the obvious truth of a literal interpretation of the Bible instead (there is probably little to gain in pointing out to him evidence against evolution, if such was offered, is not evidence for Biblical creationism); and ominously enough: “evolutionists don’t want the public to know this. They prefer to believe the lie than face the truth.” Guess who’s ultimately running the scientists and behind their nefarious tactics.

Diagnosis: Absolutely hilarious. It’s hard to believe that anyone could challenge Ray Comfort or Jim Pinkoski for inanity, but you betcha there is. Marvelous.

#1685: Colin Gunn

If Christian reconstructionism is a fringe movement, it is pretty mainstream for a fringe movement. There are plenty of people in the US fighting fervently to institute a theocracy, and although they often claim to revere the Constitution, their idea of what the Constitution says has very, very little with what it actually says. In particular, reconstructionists fight tooth and claw against religious freedom. They do so in the name of religious freedom, of course, but what they mean is their freedom to force others to accept their religious beliefs, not religious freedom. Accordingly, many reconstructionists take a dim view of public education, since public schools are not allowed to violate the religious freedoms of students and in particular not allowed to force or even recommend that students adopt the religious belief these reconstructionists think students should adopt. And combine that sense of dismay with the persecution and martyr complex at the core of their own sense of identity, and you will get some truly inane and scary conspiracy theories.

Homeschooling activist and dominionist Colin Gunn is one such, and he is behind one of several “documentaries” about the perils of the public education system,  such as “IndoctriNation: Public Schools and the Decline of Christianity in America,” which features an impressive lineup of Christian Reconstructionists such as Gary North, Gary DeMar, Doug Phillips, John Eidsmoe and Joe Morecraft, as well as none other than Ken Ham, of Answers In Genesis and the Creation Museum fame. According to Gunn, the education system can only be fixed if “every subject taught in school is designed to give glory to God,” so OK: Gunn may not even be trying to pretend that he is in favor of civil rights or religious freedom. Rather, he strives to protect children from being exposed to subjects like evolution or, really, science in general: the teaching of evolution can, according to Gunn, contaminate “the culture of a school” and trigger school shootings, and the “faith of many children are undermined very quickly in the science class”. Instead, the Bible alone should be basis of “understanding of real science,” says Gunn. “Real science” does apparently not mean science. The solution, of course, is to eradicate the “sinful” and secular public school system that also exposes children to the philosophies of gays, progressives, and abortion rights activists.

In an interview with Vic Eliason on Crosstalk, Gunn claimed that even the school bus is emblematic of the United States’ “totalitarian education system” (no, he doesn’t quite understand what “totalitarian” means; go figure). Moreover, Gunn claims that public schools are persecuting Christians (by not forcing everyone to submit to Gunn’s Taliban-style version of dominionism, of course) and has compared public school education in the US to Nazi indoctrination through the Hitler Youth (Eliason agreed, and said that the public school system was performing “mental molestation”).

Diagnosis: Thoroughly deranged, frothing madman. The rabid Taliban-envy that characterize people like Gunn should really be a laughing matter, but given his influence and the sheer number of delusional maniacs sympathetic to his cause, it really isn’t.

#1684: Jane Guiltinan

Jane Guiltinan is the former President of the American Association of Naturopathic Physicians (AANP) and Dean of Naturopathic “Medicine” at Bastyr University. She was also nominated by Josephine Briggs to serve on the National Advisory Council for Complementary and Alternative Medicine (NACCAM) – a pretty big name in the quackery and pseudoscience movement, in other words. Guiltinan, according to herself, “emphasizes the concepts of treating the cause of a problem, supporting the body’s own healing process and encouraging patients to create their own wellness even in the face of serious illness.” She “uses nutrition, plant medicine and homeopathy in her practice and believes that air, water, food, touch, love and laughter are some of the most powerful healing agents.” Guiltinan has also served on the advisory board for Almon Glenn Braswell’s Journal of Longevity, a pseudojournal if there ever was one and the kind of thing the expression “cargo cult science” was invented to describe.

Now, the AANP requires that its members graduate from a four-year accredited college, and Guiltinan herself has claimed that “[t]o argue that you don’t have to have any training for diagnosing or treating patients is absurd.” But although naturopathic training has the superficial trappings of a real education (with titles and classes and diplomas), they don’t seem to really grasp, you know, the point of real medical training. It doesn’t matter how long you study astrology or the quality of the paper on which your astrology diploma is printed; you don’t get any better at predicting the future. And homeopathy is sillier than astrology.

Diagnosis: Technobabble isn’t science, magic doesn’t work, and naturopathic medicine isn’t medicine. Jane Guiltinan is little more than a modern-day alchemist and witch doctor who has deluded herself into believing she’s something more. But though she cannot achieve any real results with regard to curing people, she has contributed to real results when it comes to promoting and giving her pseudoscientific garbage a sheen of legitimacy. Dangerous.