#2229: Patrick Scrivener

A.k.a. Noel Kilkenny

Patrick Scrivener is an ostensibly Irish-born, incoherent, fundamentalist conspiracy theorist (we use “ostensibly” since we are unsure whether we can trust a word of what he says). Scrivener’s main schtick seems to be the belief that Catholicism is some sort of Satanic conspiracy; in fact, according to Scrivener “the Papacy has been controlled by the British Secret Service from it’s [sic] creation” – yes, you read it correctly – not unlike most other ills that affect what Scrivener takes to be “our flat earth” (oh yes, that too). To explain the British Secret Service connection: “The British Empire WAS the Roman Empire after 313 AD when Druid Constantine became Emperor. The British Empire lost Britain in 410 but continued in Rome. The continuation continued [sic] after the Fall of Rome in 476 because the Papacy was under control of the British. The British Empire regained Britain after the Norman Conquest.”

To give you some flavor of Scrivener’s scholarship, it is worth quoting him at some length; the following is collected from his criticisms of the website Fundies say the darndest things, which have naturally picked up some of Scrivener’s observations: 

“Fundies Say The Dardest Things is a M16 controlled website to discredit my exposing of the great conspiracy! M16 agents on Fundies Say The Dardest Things post my articles on The Reformation Online onto this site because the site’s title makes it seem like the people who’s posts end up here are crazy! Fundies Say The Dardest Things want me to seem crazy [Fstdt doesn’t really deserve the credit for that] to prevent people from taking my words about Joshua of Nazareth, the Flat Earth, the Jesuits, and the British seriously. When Joshua of Nazareth claimed to be the messiah, the Pharisees tried to discredit him by calling him crazy [Scrivener is just like Jesus].However he gained so many followers that they decided to crucify him. Joshua of Nazareth lived in the Roman Empire. The British Empire was established in 313 AD when Druid Jesus Constantine became Emperor. The British learned of the strategy of discrediting their opponents from the Romans. Jesus Constantine created the Latin Church. The Papacy has been controlled by the British Secret Service from it’s creation. The Pharisees originally mocked Joshua the Messiah but Joshua gained so many followers that they decided to crucify him.” And now that M16 is on to him, as demonstrated by the fact that Fstdt has picked up his quotes? “The British Empire will eventually send James Bond to assasinate me [!] for exposing their conspiracy. But I will not cower in fear to the British. I will continue to expose the diabolical conspiracy and preach the truth about the messiah to save the souls of those who read my site from Hades.”

No, the James Bond reference isn’t just a figure of speech. According to Scrivener “[t]here was a real James Bond that existed”, namely Jackie Kennedy: “Jackie Kennedy was the female James Bond. Licensed to kill James Bond was a fictional character created by Ian Fleming, but the real life career of the female James Bond far surpasses any of the plots in his spy novels.” Kennedy was for instance instrumental in bringing Fidel Castro to power – apparently Castro was a CIA agent: “what eventually led to the Cuban Missile Crisis was the close ties between CIA Castro and MI6 Nikita Khrushchev” (no further detail given, unfortunately) – and married JFK on orders from the M16, before assassinating him and later RFK. Evidence? According to Scrivener “it can be proven conclusively that she was completely OWNED by the Agency”; it is unfortunate that he doesn’t try to, you know, supply the proof. Anyways, “[t]here are more James Bonds. Daniel Craig’s James Bond is based on an MI6 agent that is after me. Proof of it is a meme an MI6 agent did on the internet. Luckily I have guns in my house to defend myself.” That last sentence should perhaps give rise to some concern.

Of course, it’s conspiracies all the way down. Did you know that “Queen Elizabeth I(Shakespeare) […] was secretly part of the Latin Church and was planning to surrender England to the Spanish Armada”? Bet you didn’t – and by the way, Mary Stuart’s rule “shows the consequences of letting women rule over men!”. As for Elizabeth Shakespeare: “Queen Elizabeth I went under the identity of Shakespeare because the name of the Virgin Goddess Athena means ‘Shakespearer’ so as the Virgin Queen she wanted to symbolize Athena and the Virgin Mary since she was a secret Latin Church member. However Shakespeare’s identity was kept a secret to prevent people from finding out.” That is not what “because” means. Nor did you probably know that James Earl Ray “was brainwashed by Dr. Donald Ewen Cameron”at the Montreal and Expo67, which Scrivener coincidentally attended (“It’s a small non-rotating world after all!!”), and“then sent south to be the fall guy or ‘patsy’ for the upcoming MI6/CIA assassination of Martin Luther King.”

Moreover, according to Scrivener, “Christianity has been proven to be the one true religion. The evidence that Christianity is the true religion is the historical documents of Joshua of Nazareth, and the fact that bible prophecies have been fulfilled. The Bible fortold that the NATION of Tyre would never again be found. That prophecy was fulfilled because since it’s fall there has not been a nation called Tyre. The city of Tyre is currently in the nation of Lebanon.” As proofs go, this one exhibits some shortcomings.

Oh, and flat earth: According to Scrivener, “[t]he ‘space age’ was launched to undermine the foundation of the earth!! Even though children were exposed to the ball earth when they first entered kindergarten, it wasn't until the dawn of the ‘space age’ that thinking people were forced to accept it as a ‘scientific’ fact.” This is not entirely correct. Scrivener’s main point, though, is that the idea of a spherical Earth is a conspiracy created by Satan: “The fact that the earth is stationary and flat is the very foundation of Christianity […] Satan knows that he must undermine the foundation in order to enthrone is mother goddess.” How did Satan get the conspiracy going? Well, the answer is worth another somewhat lengthy quote:

“Jesuit ‘Sir’ Isaac Newton invented GRAVITY to explain why the oceans, and all living things, stick to a rotating ball earth. Newton was a bitter foe of the Fifth Monarchy Men, and he spent most of his life studying the Book of Daniel and Revelation in order to refute them. Gravity did away with antipodes or men walking upside down in the Southern hemisphere. According to Jerome’s corrupt Latin Vulgate Version, the earth is suspended in space by NOTHING:He stretched out the north over the empty space (Lat. super vacuum) and hangeth the earth upon nothing (Lat . super nihili). (Job 26:7, Douay-Rheims Version). That is an apt description of the earth according to Newton: A ball hanging in SPACE suspended by NOTHING or GRAVITY. Newton’s ‘law of universal gravitation’ states that ‘a particle attracts every other particle in the universe using a force that is directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them.’ In other words, the further an object is from another, the less the gravitational attraction. To prove this bizarre theory, astronots aboard a fake ISS are shown in ‘zero gravity.’ Remove gravity from the fake Newtonian system [gravity-denialism is a common feature of flat earth conspiracy theories] and the foundation is as unstable as water. That has not prevented NASA from spending billions of taxpayer dollars to prop up their crumbling foundatiuon. To go to so much trouble to exalt a female pagan deity is beyond belief.”

Scrivener was no fan of Hillary Clinton either, seeing right through her campaign to the British-Satanic-Round-Earth-Zionist-Catholic plot beneath: “Hillary in the White House is a vital part of the ‘Virgin Mary’ Co-Redemptrix dogma!! Hillary in the White House is a vital cog in the Rockefeller/Vatican scheme to force acceptance of that dogma worldwide: For all nations (UN) have drunk of the wine of the wrath of her fornication [sic], the kings of the earth have committed fornication with her, and the merchants of the earth have become rich through the abundance of her luxury (Revelation 18:3). On 9/11, the official Hillary double was introduced. Hillary can run the White House vicariously through her double like she ruled the nation during the Presidency of her husband. The official Hillary double was introduced on 9/11. That date was so appropriate because Jay and Hillary Rockefeller engineered the 9/11 false flag operation. If Hillary is placed in the White House, both Russia and the United States will have doppelganger Presidents. For the past 500 years, with very few exceptions, female rulers have been bitter persecutors of Christianity [followed by a list of pseudohistorical examples pulled straight from Scrivener’s deranged imagination.]”

If you dig into his oeuvre, you’ll find deep sea monsters and free energy stuff as well, and that’s just scratching the surface. Scrivener’s website is here, and is worth a visit – at least it will give you all the details about how smart Scrivener is (Irish Gaelic “was not that difficult to learn because it used the letters of the English alphabet!!”).

Diagnosis: Possibly the most delusional person with regular internet access in the US at the moment. Probably harmless, though his proclamation that “I have guns in my house to defend myself” is somewhat disconcerting.