Sunday, January 17, 2016

#1573: Ted Edwards

DNA is certainly one of the wonders of biology. And the crackpots know to exploit ordinary people’s sense of wonder and complete lack of understanding of how DNA works to make the most ridiculous claims. We have already discussed Toby Alexander. Ted Edwards, however, might outclass him for sheer in(s)anity. Edwards has, according to himself, been “involved in healing and healthcare through metaphysical and quantum physics for nearly 30 years now,” which, we are pretty confident, means that he doesn’t have the faintest clue about what quantum physics (or metaphysics) is. He has, however, practiced “Polarity Therapy,” which is “actually based on the science, art and philosophy of Chiropractic which I discovered (to my surprise) when I was in Chiropractic College.” He has also “studied numerous healing techniques” and been “told that I’m a pretty good healer. I’m a bit of a medical intuitive as well.” Or “severely delusional”, as others will tend to call it.

But what does he do to your DNA? Well, we can let him try to explain it himself:

“DNA Reprogramming is a step-by-step application that eliminates a negative and inputs a positive. A key to DNA Reprogramming is that everything you do, every step you take, is tested to make sure you’re moving toward a higher state of health. Your Cerebrospinal Kinesiology indicator pulse enables me to communicate with your life-force, to ask questions and get answers from you mind-body. Essentially we can have a conversation with your DNA. It’s like looking into the body and seeing exactly what is going on.

And if that doesn’t sound sufficiently fringe-lunatic to you: “We apply principles gained from ‘THE SECRET.TV’ and strive to think about what we do want to the exclusion of what we don’t want. That’s right: Edwards will apply The Secret to your DNA. And not only that, “What tHe BLEEP Do eW (K)now!? made me appreciate what we do know” and aliens sleep at R’lyeh and the owls are not what they seem to be and gaaah (remember that this guy claimed to have been involved in quantum physics for 30 year and still apparently fell for What the Bleep; that would have been sort of like being a car mechanic for thirty years before learning from a spam email that all car engines are really gremlins on hamster wheels). “The message from the quantum world is much the same as that of THE SECRET. The uncertainty principle provides us hope, it empowers you.” Oh, yes, bring it on, Ted Edwards. Some of his ideas are apparently based on the ideas of Pjots Garjajev, who claims that a “phantom DNA” phenomenon is behind crop circles.

But exactly how well does Edwards understand how DNA works? “Whether we realize it or not we actually talk to our DNA and it talks back to us […] DNA Reprogramming treatment [is in] essence a new software program [that] is downloaded into the body in regards to something that the body isn’t handling normally – such as an allergy to pets. After this new software is downloaded it has to be installed. This occurs over a period of time normally spanning 24-36 hours – it can be longer in very chronic cases where communication has been damaged for many years. During this period old files are deleted […] Once the installation is complete and all the old files deleted the reaction to the substance that previously caused the body so much consternation is gone.”

Not the faintest clue, in other words. Oh, and there are also vibrations. We can reprogram the “DNA in living organisms using the correct resonant frequencies. This is precisely what is being done by the various allergy elimination techniques. We find the resonant frequency that is causing the body a problem – say the resonant frequency of the herpes virus.” Yes, it’s good vibrations, and as usual they herald the dawn of the New Age.

Diagnosis: I know: You want to know what he’s been smoking. But unfortunately Edwards is probably only naturally silly and flaky.

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