Friday, September 9, 2016

#1715: Lisa Haven

Lisa Haven is a raging end-times fundie who seems to think that every medical innovation and invention is the mark of the beast (google her “It’s Here! ‘Mark of The Beast Tech’ Adopted By Children’s Hospital” article if you wish; we’re not linking). She is of course also a hardcore conspiracy theorist, having bought into more or less every shadow government conspiracy trope that graces the Internet. The result, the Lisa Haven News website, is not for the faint of heart (a moderate summary here); the title of the most recent item (September 7) in her “Government Corruption Illuminati” section is “Wait Until You Hear This! This is How Bad It Will Get, Really Soon …”, pretty much sums up the content and clickbait-like presentation of every article on the page (the article in question really a video chat with Dave Hodges of something called The Common Sense Show, which seems to be an example of an extension of Badger’s Law – he had to put “common sense” in the title, cause if he hadn’t you would never have guessed.) Other recent items include “DARPA Pulls Technology Straight From The Book Of Revelation: Eerie Plans Reveal We ARE In The Final Days,” “Weapons of the Antichrist Discovered in Top Secret Documents: Parapsychology, What The NWO Is Preparing You For” (oh, yes; she does) and “An Antichrist’s Violent Purge Ignites – Turkey, Russia, NATO, US – Who’s Behind it All? A Coming WWIII” You really don’t need to read it to find out, do you?

In the “Conspiracy Facts” section recent articles include “Globalists Wolves Frothing At the Mouth In Rage Are Activating A Treacherous Plot To Destroy,” which is about how “the globalists initiation of federalized healthcare, via Obamacare, and a federalized United Nations education system, via Common Core” (she doesn’t seem to have a very solid grasp of what “globalized” means – or what the UN or “Common Core” are, but that’s because she thinks it is all some kind of secret front group for a nefarious New World Order Illuminati mind-control shadow government run by Satan) will “kill the freedoms in America we so passionately adore,” and “Nightmare! Doctors Being Used To Label You An ‘Enemy’ and Using Your Kids As Bait,” which concerns the possibility of being asked questions about firearm use or drunk driving when visiting the doctor (which, of course, doctors are dutifully recording for the government to keep track of patriots). There are also articles on how the Government is involved in a “takeover” of elections to rig them in favor of Clinton, as well as the upcoming disaster – apparently a food crises created under the cover of environmentalism – planned by FEMA but controlled by the UN (“For the past few years world governments and globalists have been stocking food, water, ammo, and the like. Some have even moved and purchased bunkers in countries like New Zealand”) to depopulate America. The FEMA concentration camps are apparently just around the corner, too. FEMA’s depopulation plot is in fact already up and running. As Haven puts it (in an article in the “Christian News” section of her page, for some reason), have you wondered “[w]hy almost everyone around you has something wrong with their body and is constantly downing pharmaceuticals?” Ah, but “it’s ALL by design. The globalists ruling this country from behind the scenes are engaging in chemical warfare against us. From chemtrails polluting the air we breath, to radiation leaks, to GMO’s [sic], to fluoride in the water; the ultimate agenda is depopulation and the dumbing down of the masses via pharmaceuticals.”

But that’s just the more mainstream parts of her website. For the truly insane, you should to go to the “Nephilim, Fallen Angels, Demons” section (“Cryptic Key To The Bottomless Pit Just Discovered: Anthony Patch Tells It All …” [no, literally. That.]; “Body Of Revelation Locusts Revealed?? L.A. Marzulli’s Shocking Find! Photos, X-Rays Included!!” [we’ll have the opportunity to revisit Marzulli in a later entry]; “NASA’s Revolutionary Discovery Hastens Pope To Ignite His ‘Alien Welcome Party’ As He Prepares For the New World Order!” [yes, those kinds of aliens – apparently the Pope’s attitude to the government conspiracy to hide the existence of extraterrestrials is a running theme; do also keep in mind that Haven is a raving endtimes fundamentalist; presumably “Classified Alien Information Leaked! You Wont Believe What Happened to These Abductees! Plus the Link to Fallen Angels and Nephilim …” explains things). Or you could visit the “Supernatural” section (where you can e.g. learn how to protect yourself from the government’s attempt to hook you on pharmaceuticals) with articles like “NASA: ‘There’s a Monster Hole In The Sun!’ As More Of Their Scientists End Up Dead…” or “What Happens When You Die – New Afterlife Research That Opens a Whole New Can of Worms… Christian Beware!”. Or not. That’s probably the best idea.

Diagnosis: Raging lunatic, and easily confused with a parody of fundie, wingnut conspiracy theorists. But Haven appears to be the real thing. Her impact is probably negligible, however.


  1. Funny how he bashes but doesn't have the balls to use his real name.

    1. It's funny how you say this when you not only aren't using *your* real name but also have your profile set to private.

    2. do you have a connection with Lisa Haven

  2. It is frightening how many marshmallow brains there are out there. It would be a breakthrough of humanity if conspiracy theorist could be be shown the error of there ways.

  3. Yeah I found her loony channel and man she sounds insane. I understand that you don’t use your real name and keep it private due to jerks up above would just continue to not leave you alone.

  4. Suraci Just be careful. She seems like the kind that kills & consumes after mating