Thursday, January 21, 2021

#2431: Matt Wykoff

Matt Wykoff is an internet crank and Catholic extremist who sends emails to people he disagrees with demanding that they shut down their blogs and websites or suffer the wrath of the One True Church. According to Wykoff “[h]eliocentrism is a myth” – even an “evolutionist myth” (no, he doesn’t have a clue: What did you expect?) – and “[s]cience disproved heliocentricism centuries ago and decades ago and continues to do”, whatever that means. Of course, by “science” Wykoff doesn’t mean science: It is, in fact, very unclear what Wykoff means by “science”, given that he refers to all real scientists in quotation marks (sometimes) or as “the pagans” (usually). General relativity, too, is a myth: it says a lot of silly things that “are totally unproven too”; moreover, general relativity is “just a theory”: “That’s why it’s still called the ‘theory’ of general relativity because none of this has been proven. It has been debunked.” Furthermore, science is always changing and thus clearly inferior to Wykoff’s own mind, which is locked in deranged fundie-mode and completely impervious to evidence, reality or reason. If you wish to look at the absolutely abysmally deranged details, you can do so here. This is Time Cube territory. (Remember Time Cube?)


What if you, upon Wykoff issuing his demands, fail to close your blog or website? Well, here is his response to noncompliance: “I hereby declare- your organization to be – – an unlawful assembly. I order all those assembled to immediately disperse. I repeat- to immediately disperse. I order all your activity to immediately cease. I repeat-to immediately cease. It is not in accord with the ordinances of Canon Law [… lots of blather …] you are therefore ordered to discontinue your illegal profession. Failure to do so will result in proactive, responsive, and co-active measures [… more blather …] You may be arrested and or subject to other police action. It has so been declared: It is declared that all non-Catholic government exists in a state of in authenticity. It is thenceforth declared that all modern constitutional states lack canonical legitimacy. It has therefore been thenceforth declared that their existence is an offense to the Divine Majesty and a crime against humanity. The aforesaid Freemasonic corporations are hereby declared anachronical to true human progress. It is decided in order for modern constitutional states to gain authenticity they must recognize the Supreme Jurisdiction of the Papacy and all Papal Dogmas.” You will also risk smiting by God and be burned and so on. Also, “[l]ibertarianism (and the constitution) are simply tyrannical failures and instruments that lead to false flag attacks and government-run pedophilia through their Manual (and Visual) Body-Cavity Searches of Juvenile Hall youth. A Catholic Monarchy simply is the answer to today’s varied and many problems.” So, ok, it’s starting to go downhill from an already impossibly low position. If you have a perverse wish to see how far down Wykoff is prepared to go, here is your chance: “The united states is a kosher certified and privately owned judeophile corporation. It is the Whore of Babylon …” is just the start of one of the most fascinatingly incoherent anti-semitic, birtherist, anti-gay stream-of-consciousness tirades ever to grace the Internet (a high bar).


Here is his irrefutable proof of God and proof that all of science is bunk. A central component is apparently the Shroud of Turin, which “proves that the Majesty and Ineffeble works of God are awe inspiring. There is 3 dimensional information on a 2 dimensional object. This is physically impossible, and is therefore a miracle on the Holy Shroud.” Well, then.


Diagnosis: So it may be a bit mean to include someone like Mike Wykoff in our Encyclopedia, but he really tries his hardest to put himself out there – utterly feebly incompetent attempts, of course, but still.

1 comment:

  1. He sounds just like some of the teachers I had in Catholic school! Self awareness isn't a big thing amongst religious extremists.