#1642: Jim Garrow

Though his time in the limelight seems to have come to an end, Jim Garrow did at least manage to establish himself as one of the most deranged wingnuts in the looniverse – as some sort of singularity of paranoid rage that helped the rest of us recognize that there are fringes even beyond the furious delsuions of Michael Savage and Rick Wiles. Garrow seems to have first come to attention after the death of Andrew Breitbart, which he blamed on Obama. Now, Garrow wasn’t the only moron to claim that Obama killed Breitbart to shut him up, but Garrow added Michael Hastings and Tom Clancy to the list (evidence: they died, therefore Obama must have killed them), and – for good measure – that Obama is a Saudi secret agent. And bisexual ( “everyone” in the intelligence agencies are aware and help him out by bringing him boys to the White House). Indeed, Obama also had Lorette Fuddy, the Hawaii health director who died in a plane crash, killed as part of a birther cover-up. And of course – what did you expect from someone with the cognitive abilities of Jim Garrow – Obama also tried to kill Garrow himself (one day his car allegedly didn’t work, which was obviously a government-organized murder attempt). Good thing the Obama administration isn’t more adept at these types of operations. Actually, it’s not really just a matter of incompetence: While God didn’t protect his friends from Obama’s hit squads, God intervened to save Garrow from the assassination attempts: “They are being eliminated, now they tried to kill me a few days ago but it didn’t work because God intervened; we are not alone in this fight against lies and Lucifer [Yes, Obama is also the Beast and the whore of Babylon] and those people who would like to take down first of all the blessing of God from America but also take down America as an entity on the earth.”

Obama is not only a Saudi agent; he is part of an Arab-Chinese communist conspiracy, no less. And there is more to his sexual proclivities, too (things are somehow connected): Garrow has claimed that “Bathhouse Barry” has an “agreement” with First Lady, whom he calls “Moochelle,” to “feed” his “sexual proclivity.” Garrow accordingly doubts that Sasha and Malia are the president’s children, saying “what needs to happen is somebody needs to get some DNA samples over there” (as if the results of such tests would matter much to Garrow’s conclusions).

But the aforementioned assassination are, of course, just the beginning. In November 2013 Garrow claimed that Obama tried to nuke South Carolina “to devastate all computer related systems on the continent thus taking America back 200 years and guaranteeing a total breakdown in society and with in one year the death of 300 million Americans” (to “see how this would be possible, read ‘One Second After’,” which is a NYTimes bestselling post-apocalyptic novel) and to help George Soros make money by betting against the US dollar (at least Garrow cannot be accused of thinking through his conspiracy theories particularly carefully – there are some rather obvious flaws here) and to replace God with Allah in accordance with his Marxist-muslim agenda. Only the heroic intervention of some maverick generals (who were promptly fired) – or God; Garrow is a bit back and forth – saved us. (And once again Obama sent his thugs to stop Garrow from distributing the information, and once again they failed, of course.) Evidence? Oh, right – some Marxist-Muslim atheist Obama sycophants actually care about that sort of thing. Garrow doesn’t, but he did find some “proof” in an article about dolphins dying off the east coast (from lung disease caused by BP oil spill, in fact), which shows that the heroes (and God) managed to detonate one of those nukes off the coast to thwart Obama’s evil plans. Yeah, that’s right. Obama ended up nuking the dolphins instead. How is that for evil? He admits that he cannot offer further evidence for the claims, but he doesn’t have to: “Some folks have asked me to provide proof for some revelations that I have made. I would suggest that you look at the track record of information that I have shared and with patience you see that it is 100% reliable. Just because you don’t necessarily see it at the microwave speed of your impatient demand, doesn’t mean it won’t ‘unfold as it should’. If you really want me to identify patriots who have put their lives at risk to get me information or have me produce classified documents that could be their source – sorry, prison or suicide are not part of my career plan.” In other words, he can’t give it to you out of fear that the Obama administration, who is already trying to kill him and are going to kill everyone anyways, might try to shut him up. But disclosing the dolphin story seems to have been OK.

Moreover, the 2013 Iran agreement was just a desperate attempt to distract attention from the nukes. With Erik Rush, Garrow concluded that Obama should be tried for treason and executed (yeah, the trial isn’t really necessary) because of their delusions. (Actually, Obama should be (hanged, and) “put down” like a “rabid dog”). The Iran thing was apparently not Obama’s only attempt to divert attention. In January 2014 Garrow asserted that Obama was going to distract the country by claiming that he’s now in “communication with people from other civilizations beyond Earth.” (Note that Garrow assumes that the people Obama would want to impress would in fact have been impressed if he told them that he interacted with extraterrestrials) If that doesn’t work, he will call in troops from Canada to start repressing and killing civilians (he seems to be not entirely clear on the relationship between Canada and the US and its president.)  

His response to Obama’s 2014 State of the Union address is discussed here. It’s not impressively coherent, but it is at least pretty clear that he didn’t like it and that rabid dogs, meteors and Satan are among the stream of consciousness associations he made when reading it.

What else? In January 2014 Garrow told Agenda-21 conspiracy theorist Paul Preston that Obama is borderline mentally ill and about to impose martial law and take over the country nazi-style (whatever that means), even if that strategy obviously pales in comparison with his previous plans for pure cartoon villain qualities: “Yes it is. That’s what a spoiled brat, a petulant child will do [introduce martial law]: throw tantrums. They’ll always go and the pendulum will swing all the way in another direction with them, there’s no common ground, there’s no stability and that’s what we see with this man, he’s not a stable person, psychologically stable or whatever. I believe he is on the edge of being mentally ill.” You go tell’em, Jim. Meanwhile, Garrow is apparently not happy that RightWingWatch keeps quoting the deranged things he says to paint him in a “wacko, weird light”; so, when his own rants are read back to him he at least recognizes that the shit must have been uttered by someone crazy.

In February 2014, however, Obama’s plan had apparently become to impose Sharia law on the US, using guillotines, no less (“We now have a part of Obamacare where we now have legal execution by guillotine. Did you see the list? It’s been added to the list …” It is unclear which list Garrow have seen (probably one produced to him by his fertile imagination), but it is at least that he doesn’t really have a very firm grasp of what the Affordable Care Act actually is.

And, predictably like a clock, Garrow alleged that President Obama blew up the missing Malaysia Airlines plane in 2014 – as part of his “jihad” against China, with whom Obama is in a secret Muslim-communist conspiracy, remember, so it was really all a false-flag operation, apparently part of a scheme (roughly) to hand over the Internet to China.

Something obviously needs to be done, and Garrow himself announced Operation American Spring, a rally to demand the resignation of Obama and every other Democrat in any position of power (heard of such plans before?). Garrow assumed that they were going to get “millions, as many as ten million, patriots” to show up. That didn’t seem to have worked out, but Garrow suggested other courses of action as well: He has already warned Obama that “your days are numbered, Bathhouse Barry,” promising that a guerrilla war against the government is about to start. He later threatened his audience that if they did not join his anti-Obama guerrilla war then they would end up as just “a statistic and the memory of you being wiped from the face of the earth.” He left it ambiguous which side would be responsible for the wiping. In January 2014 Garrow moreover agreed with Pete Santilli (who otherwise wants to shoot Hilary Clinton in the vagina) that it’s time for a military coup to “restore our republic” (yeah, they’re pretty oblivious to the irony there). These people are for real, folks.

Some may wonder how Garrow managed to find an audience, even among the fringes of wingnuttery. Well, apparently Garrow was a CIA agent back in the days – according to none but himself, of course, but that piece of background was apparently enough to give him some attention from certain quarters. Garrow was a CIA agent under St. Ronald. Unlike the “absolute fraud” and freedom-hating Obama, Reagan was a great leader that all of the world feared. According to Garrow, Reagan had him personally deliver a message to Iran’s leaders that if they didn’t release the US hostages taken captive during the Iranian Revolution, then Reagan would nuke Mecca in retaliation. Those reports are presumably classified.

Diagnosis: Simply a wild-eyed, raging lunatic who used to shake fists at the moon, unicorns, plastic bags and windmills, and who was at some point picked up by mistake by the clowncar running the crazier fringes of wingnut media. It is telling that it took them so long before they notied. His 15 minutes in the spotlight seem to be over, at least.