#630: Mark Downey

And just in case you thought you’d seen the worst of lunacy by now, we give you Mark Downey. Reverend Downey is the culprit behind the “Christian Identity” website Kinsman Redeemer Ministries, which is a good place to go to give up all hopes for humanity. Downey’s main tenet is that the so-called “Chosen People” of the Bible are – as opposed to what the Bible suggests – not the Jews, at least not today’s Jews, but rather the “Germanic, Celtic, Scandinavian, and Anglo-Saxon” peoples. And thus you may get an impression of the direction in which Downey is headed. And indeed: “Adolf Hitler showed the world the mercy and loving kindness of Positive Christianity,” he says, but we failed to listen and were instead fooled by a Jewish conspiracy to view Hitler as evil. Yes, that’s the idea, and even among the most insane it will probably remain a minority view for some time. As for anti-semitism, Downey has revived most myths from ancient and medieval times. “How many of the innocent youngsters you see on milk cartons have fallen prey to the ceremonial knives of rabbis and lie buried in secret graves or were ground up into dog food in some jewish-owned processing plant?” asks Downey in his series of articles charmingly titled "Why We Hate the Jews", and follows it with this.

But Downey isn’t quite done. The whole idea of the notion of “Kinsman Redeemer” is that Jesus came to redeem not all humans, but his kinsmen. His kinsmen were the white people (since, as most renaissance paintings so accurately depict him, Jesus was blond and blue-eyed). It doesn’t really help, then, that Downey actually purports to reject “white nationalism” – he rejects white nationalism since white nationalism is, according to Downey, a pagan movement. Instead, he prefers to view his ideas as “Christian nationalism”, which combines the main tenets of white nationalism with dominionism and hysterical endtimes babble. It is not as charming as it sounds.

Of course, Downey and his group also rejects evolution – not on technical grounds but because evolution implies common descent and by the inference rule of Downey’s wacky wishful thinking evolution must therefore be false. Instead they claim that all races were created separately (and should not be mixed – “race mixing adulterates God's plan for the Ages”) and that the different races represent not only different species, but different genera (no, they do not exhibit any trace of having the faintest idea what that would mean).

To really emphasize their fervent contempt for reality, they are also 9/11 troofers (though you probably saw that one coming), and promote the idea that the levees of New Orleans were destroyed on purpose by the guv’mint during Hurricane Katrina, which, alongside most other natural disasters, was a punishment from God for America’s rejection of God’s laws on race in any case. I don’t think much good can come from delving deeper into Downey’s ideas so we’ll leave it at that. (We are also reluctant to link directly to any of Downey’s own stuff; you’ll have to google it).

Diagnosis: Could he be the most deranged psychotic madman we’ve encountered thus far? His candidacy is at least a strong one, though his influence will probably remain somewhat limited for the foreseeable future.

#625: Maxine Dietrich

A.k.a. Andrea Herrington (real name)

Maxine Dietrich is the founder of Joy of Satan, which is a noe-nazi satanic UFO cult, and yes, you read that right (the website is here), and off we go. According to Dietrich, her brand of spiritual Satanism differs from other religions in that everything can apparently be explained scientifically, including the astral plane, our souls, telepathy, magic experiences, and the very real, anthropomorphic deity she worships (Satan is not “evil”; “good” and “evil” are “nothing more than cultural concepts; Satan transcends this,” which, though it is a feeble attempt at postmodern relativism, makes no real sense). How does science explain her religion? “Our limited understanding of Quantum Physics has revealed a bit about the human soul.”

Ah, I see.

“How”, you may ask – though you probably won’t, since you probably suspect that you won’t get a particularly informative answer. Anyways, here goes Dietrich”s scientific, quantum explanation of it all: According to Dietrich “Kirlian Photography” reveals “the fact that we have an aura. Kirlian photography is a specialized form of photography, along the same lines as x-ray imaging.” I don’t suppose it really surprised you that Dietrich would be unable to distinguish science from incoherent woo, or distinguish scientific evidence from idle speculation (there is also this)?

Furthermore, according to Dietrich, “the U.S. Government and other world powers are well aware of this ability within humans and the reality of psychic warfare, though they keep much of this from the public.” The Catholic Church, for instance, is a Jewish conspiracy – according to Dietrich, all of their leaders are really Jews, and aliens are behind Christianity – in particular, Christianitly was instigated by a group she refers to as “the Intergalactic Federation (IGF)” (these guys – they don’t seem very nice). Christianity itself was their program “for the destruction of Aryan peoples”. Furthermore “Satan and the Original Gods are from Orion. The IGF is at war with Orion.” I guess that explains a lot. Poor Orion.

I think I’ll let readers rummage through that webpage for themselves (this quote is telling). Its crazy is fascinating in a Gene Ray-sense. It is admittedly hard to find any reliable information about the size of Dietrich’s church or the extent of her brand of theistic satanism, but it doesn’t seem to be too influential.

Dietrich’s husband, Clifford Herrington, used to be the leader of the National Socialist Movement. The connection between Herrington and satanism has at least made Hal Turner uncomfortable, but then Turner was an uncomfortable man to begin with.

Diagnosis: Fascinating, though her webpage design really gives her away from the start.

#213: Larry Klayman

Larry Klayman is a legend in the law business for his long row of knee-jerk, utterly unhinged lawsuits. The founder and chief representative of the Miami and D.C. based Klayman Law Firm, Larry is best known as the founder and former Chairman of Judicial Watch (which Larry has, of course, subsequently sued as well). Judicial Watch gained notoriety through the initiation of 18 civil lawsuits against the Clinton Administration, and subsequently an unsuccessful lawsuit against Vice-President Dick Cheney in order to obtain information about the White House's energy task force. He currently runs an organization called “Freedom Watch”.

Among the lawsuits Klayman has filed is (at least) one against the Islamic Center in Manhatten on the grounds that the project was a “nuisance”.

Klayman is predictably enough among those who suspect Obama of harboring secret, less than benign motives: “Despite Obama's early claims that his is a Christian, the American people are not stupid. Simply calling oneself a Christian, does not make one a Christian. Obama's heart tilts toward radical Islam and the terrorist states which it foments". He also argued that Obama was behind the swine flu. His evidence is a little unclear. He has also raged about what he perceives as a government conspiracy to hide evidence for extra-terrestrial life (yes, that’s the level his mind operates at).

Klayman likes attention, and has apparently realized that making a fool of himself is a good way to get it.
Diagnosis: Legendary kook, and a rather entertaining one. Probably relatively harmless.

#206: Alan Keyes

Alan Keyes is a conservative speaker and activist who has run for President and the Senate numerous times (always losing, thankfully – in 2008 he ran with Wiley Drake). He is most famous for being clinically insane, completely ignorant and pathologically intellectually dishonest. More about his career can be found here and here. He used to try to run on a Republican ticket, but after 2008 ran with the Constitution part - but since they supported Chuck Baldwin he started his own party, the Independence Party.

He is insanely anti-gay, actually arguing that gay people cannot have sex (they are rather “mutual pursuit of pleasure through the stimulation of the organs intended for procreation, but it has nothing to do with sexuality because they are of the same sex. And with respect to them, the sexual difference does not exist. They are therefore not having sexual relations”). When Keyes’s own daughter came out as homosexual, she was promptly disowned.

He is a strong champion of gun rights, coming up with reassuring claims such as “gun owners are pro life and their guns are to defend the lives of the unborn” (see also this). He has also claimed that downturns in the economy prove that God is angry with legalized abortion.

Keyes is also a staunch supporter of teaching Biblical creationism in public schools, and he supports mandatory prayer and faith initiatives – as long as they are not Jewish, since Jewish (as opposed to Christian) initiatives promote enmity and hatred (see also this). He is also a firm believer in theocracy and the religious foundation of the U.S. - in the sense of Gary Bauer, Gary DeMar, Gary North and David Barton (who should apparently change his name to “Gary” as well). See also this.

In November 2008 Keyes (and Markham Robinson) filed a lawsuit against the California Secretary of State, then-President-elect Barack Obama, then-Vice President-elect Joe Biden, and California's 55 Democratic electors, seeking to challenge Obama's eligibility for the US Presidency (though Keyes didn’t like McCain either). The suit requests that Obama provide documentation that he is a natural born citizen of the United States. Following Obama's inauguration, Keyes denied he had been constitutionally inaugurated, refused to call him President, and called him a "usurper" and a "radical communist". He has even resorted to civil disobedience over the matter (though refusing to call it “civil disobedience, since he doesn’t believe in that). Keyes is thus one of the most central idiots of the birther movement. He has also been affiliated with the Christian Exodus independence movement.

Keyes also made a rather unflattering appearance in Borat.

Diagnosis: Blatheringly moronic fundamentalist and rabid clown. He has some die-hard followers, but even the more extreme Republican wingnuts often find that they have to distance themselves from him.

199: Rick Joyner

Rick Joyner heads MorningStar Ministries, which he co-founded with his wife Julie in 1985. He also oversees MorningStar's “University”, Fellowship of Ministries, and Fellowship of Churches, as well as editing their various publications. According to Joyner, the purpose of his ministry is the “biblical mandate Matthew 24:45–46” as well as a commitment to equip future leaders and work in relationship with current leaders to prepare and strengthen the church for the last days.

He has written numerous books, including the “The Final Quest” series. This is a series of prophecies based on revelation Joyner claims to have received personally – as such it has remained rather controversial even among Evangelicals. Joyner claims to have been (literally) transported to Heaven and to have had long conversations with Jesus (and some saints and prophets). Hence, his talk about spiritual warfare and the impending 'civil war' within the church bears the stamp of authority, doesn’t it?

Interestingly, while Joyner claims to regard the utterly insane William Branham as something of a lunatic, he also claims to have seen Branham close to the throne of God in his travels to Heaven. Hence Branham must be closer to the truth than one thought (this is perhaps the most feeble attempt I’ve seen of trying to argue that your apparently crazy views are not as crazy as they seem, Rick).

He also weighed in on the health care reform, pointing out that the bill "is about euthanasia, the power to determine who lives or dies in America. Hitler and Stalin would have loved to have had a means such as this for dispatching the millions they killed – it would have made their job much easier, and probably given them the ability to kill many more than they did. THIS BILL IS THAT SINISTER. This is not a joke."

Joyner was also (along with Jack Deere and Bill Johnson) in on the attempted curing and rehabilitation of Canadian televangelist Todd Bentley (famous for his Lakeland revival and for “healing” cancer and AIDS patients by beating them up), after Todd had been involved in – you guessed it – an adultery scandal.

Diagnosis: Pathologically delusional kook and madman who sometimes display glimpses of self-awareness that he is quick to explain away. That only makes him even more zealous of course. Impact unknown – he has many followers, but had he not existed the followers would probably have found another loon to worship.

197: Alex Jones

Alex Jones is the guy who has yet to meet a conspiracy theory he doesn’t endorse, no matter how batshit insane it is (and, interestingly, no matter how much it conflicts with other conspiracy theories he already believes). For at least ten years he has predicted, in his rather popular radio program, the imminent roundup of Americans by the New World Order.

In addition to his radio program, he is also the director of several straight-to-video documentaries, and he runs the websites Infowars and PrisonPlanet (for those who wish to avoid the site itself, it is detailed here).

Some conspiracy theories endorsed by PrisonPlanet are:

-The Bilderberg Group (or Skull and Bones, or the Freemasons - it depends on the day, it seems) controls some/most/all governments in the world as well as the economy.

-The New World Order will kill almost everyone. Vaccine programs seem to be just one of their methods – of course Jones has endorsed Andrew Wakefield as a martyr. To get a feel for the level it is pitched at, you may want to check out this one - or then again, maybe not.

-In fact, Hurricane Katrina was merely an opportunity to test out the FEMA concentration camps.

-And the tsunami in south-east Asia in 2004 was man-made.

-9/11 was (of course) an inside job.

This is, of course, only a selection; in general it is hard to find a loon that Jones does not take seriously. He is basically a living embodiment of whale.to.

Other bizarre antics are chronicled on his wikipedia page. Apparently the ravingly mad and utterly dense (but British) Vicount Monckton views PrisonPlanet as a legitimate news outlet. That explains a lot.

The interesting thing about Alex Jones’ reasoning is that he does not seem to run with the common fallacy ‘authorities (e.g. scientific) say X; I don’t like X; hence there must be a conspiracy’, but rather with the inference rule ‘everything is part of a conspiracy; authorities say X; hence X is false’ (which is a fallacy as well, of course, but a somewhat more interesting one).

Now, some may think Alex Jones is batshit crazy, and he is. But surely he is beaten by Lorie Kramer, who believes that Alex Jones is a pawn created by the New World Order to divert attention. Seriously. And if that is not enough, this site, run by Gary & Lisa Ruby, claims that Jones is part of a scientologist conspiracy to take over the world and demolish Christianity. I guess this is what you risk when you start to gain notoriety in the hyper-paranoid and chaotic field of conspiracy theory.

Among Jones’s more notable collaborators is the equally insane Paul Joseph Watson, who may consider himself indicted by this entry as well (he does not deserve a separate one). Watson is, among other things, behind this, uh, illuminating screed.

Diagnosis: The ur-loon. Extremely famous and frighteningly influential, but one suspects that he would be able to convince anyone who were not already at least mildly unhinged. Jones may be partly in it for the money, but there is little question that he actually believes much of whatever falls out of his mouth.

192: Victoria Jackson

We have previously suggested that Ray Comfort is possibly the densest man on Earth. That was, of course, an exaggeration. The densest person on Earth is Victoria Jackson.

Victoria Jackson is a former semi-celebrity who is clinically unable to process information, distinguish an argument from a random string of letters (or none), reason, or string words together in a sentence expressing a coherent thought. For this reason she gets to write columns for Breitbart and the World Net Daily.

She is also an outspoken Glenn Beck groupie. Among the literary highlights of the lunacy movement must be counted Victoria Jackson’s report from the Glenn Beck rally. If you are only going to read one thing today, you will read this one (a selection with comments is here). She captures the mood perfectly:

“I wander the streets trying to catch a vibe. Is this our generation's Woodstock? I wish Bob Dylan would pop up and lead us in protest songs. He's got to "get it." I know lots of '60s hippies who have converted to Beckism. Social awareness is social awareness. No one comments on my Beck button. No pro or con. Maybe D.C. has gone Orwellian. Maybe they are actually afraid to think for themselves. They are afraid to have opinions. I start to feel like the Thought Police are following me.”

And for a taster of the deeply disturbed lunacy espoused by Jackson fluffy, feel-good, fire-and-brimstone fanatic conservatism:

“Glenn Beck is the only one telling us the truth. The media don't tell the truth. They didn't tell us that Obama was appointing communists like Van Jones and giving them positions of power. People we did not vote for. Strangely, Van Jones quietly disappeared when he was outed. The president is a communist! Communism hates Christianity.

[Jackson’s conversation partner] makes a patronizing face, "How do you know that?"

"His whole childhood was Marxism."

"Have you ever read Marx?" she says arrogantly.

"No. Oh, you're saying church people are stupid?"

"No..." The man with her looks embarrassed about our public quarrel.

"Communism doesn't work. It didn't work in Russia, or China, or Cuba ..."

"Marx had some good ideas. ..."

Her ignorance angers me. She is obviously one of the brainwashed 20-somethings who had liberalism shoved down their throats at university. The amount I've read of Marx is the amount she's read of the Bible. She is lost and very self-important about it.”

Even as a sitcom character, you wouldn’t have gotten away with Jackson’s level of fail. Watch her create a black hole in reason with Steve Doocy here. Until her 40s, however, her lack of intelligence prevented her from doing much harm: “I didn't vote for anyone. I didn't know how. I didn't know where to go. I never saw a sign that said, "Vote Here." I didn't know how to "register" or even that I had to register. I didn't know what the candidates stood for or how to find out. Word of mouth I guess, but no one I hung out with talked about politics, ever.”

She voted in 2000, though, and according to herself: “I voted Clinton out. My vote counted. Bush won.”

But the nice thing about Jackson is that whenever you think she has reached the peak of human stupidity, she delivers something that reaches a whole new level. You can also read her explain why Rahm Emanuel is the devil here. Or check out this rather revealing interview.

Among her many gems and insights, however, this may just be the pinnacle. This is where you find the gem: “I took my beautiful fake nails out to my car and drove to the car wash. Hard working, friendly Mexicans made it shiny. I don't know if they were legal or illegal. I love everyone, but I think rules should be followed. Why can't they be legal? Is it difficult?” But do read the whole thing.

Quite simply breathtaking.

Diagnosis: Victoria Jackson’s lack of intellect must violate some law of nature. It just cannot be humanly possible to reach this level of clinical moronity. If she were actually to become influential, it wouldn't make much difference – in that case the world would have been irrevocably lost long ago anyway.

190: James Inhofe

If not the densest, Oklahoma senator James Inhofe is at least among the most ignorant and dangerous US Senators, primarily for being perhaps the most vocal (and dishonest) global warming skeptic in the US Congress (he also supports a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage – and he campaigned for his Senate seat in 1994 using the phrase "God, guns, and gays"; see also this). Inhofe's statements on AGW have been reputiated even by the handful of contrarian scientists Inhofe constantly cites.

In his own words, climate science "kind of reminds ... I could use the Third Reich, the Big Lie ...” He has also pulled a Delay and compared the United States Environmental Agency to the Gestapo and compared EPA Administrator Carol Browner to Tokyo Rose. I think this quote is revealing: According to Inhofe AGW is "the second-largest hoax ever played on the American people, after the separation of church and state." In fact, the UN cooked it up to destroy America. His evidence? The Oregon Petition, at least.

He is constantly caught lying, but persists in saying that there is a scientific consensus that climate is getting cooler. In general, he has pretty much declared war on science, although he doesn’t seem to have a clue to what it is. His most famous stunt was compiling a list of “high-profile scientists” (such as Chris Allen) who oppose AGW, a list overlapping with the Discovery Institute rooster and known HIV denialists, plus several climate scientists who explicitly accept AGW (here, here, and here; the point doesn’t seem to have been honesty anyway). After massive criticism Inhofe changed the list to “scientists whose research undermines AGW” – despite the complaints from the scientists that their research did no such thing.

His stance on the Israel-Palestine conflict is firm, and he appears to think that the only legitimate guideline is – the Bible (more here, and some curious tidbits here).

If you are wondering where people like Inhofe are coming from (apart from Oklahoma), you may look at this rather disconcerting discussion.

Diagnosis: Confirmation bias incarnate; blindly flailing fanatic who is unable to separate facts from political opinions or evidence from Stalin-strength ideology. Extremely dangerous.

#179: Leonard “Len” Horowitz

If you think the last couple of HIV denialists and anti-vaxxers and purveyors of alternative medicine (staple fare in any encyclopedia of loons) have been a little tame, meet Len Horowitz. Len Horowitz is a shrill, roaringly raving loon if there ever was one. He is, according to himself, a diplomatic officer for the World Organization for Natural Medicine. He is a representative of God, knighted in the Sovereign Orthodox Order of Knights Hospitaller of St John of Jerusalem, as a Levitical priest in the bloodlines of Moses and Yeshua the Messiah. Indeed.

Watch Len Horowitz take down Peter Duesberg, the king herald of HIV denialism here. But wait, wasn’t Len himself a HIV denier? Oh yes, but in Len Horowitz’s grand theory of everything, Duesberg is really a corrupt shill for the militaristic fascist conspiracy that originally were behind the AIDS epidemic, whose role is (it seems) to spread confusion.

Horowitz, a Harvard-trained dentist who (as you see) identifies himself as a Messianic Jew and frequently cites the Old Testament to condemn blood contamination or injections containing genetic material (such as vaccines), believes that there is a large depopulation conspiracy, the purpose of which is to kill roughly 84% of the population. The purpose is to economically benefit Big Pharma (i.e. Wall Street Bankers, Fox News and the British Royalty). It is unclear which mechanism is supposed to confer these economic benefits on said beneficiaries, but the original article is here in all its glorious insanity. Behind everything? Good old Henry Kissinger, who allegedly called for massive "Third World" depopulation efforts in order to maintain the economic alignment of the superpowers, and his successor "Zbigniew Brezinski” (Horowitz’s spelling), who unknown to absolutely everyone but Horowitz, advanced National Security Memo #46 to cabinet chiefs only, authorizing the FBI and CIA to initiate genocidal policies. Kissinger's security policy specifically stated the need to dramatically reduce African populations, and Brzezinski's memo explained that Black nationalism "posed" economic and security threats to America. Indeed.

One wonders how people could take him seriously, but he was apparently influential in the decision of the (blatheringly moronic) Nation of Islam to call for a boycott of U.S.-sponsored vaccination programs. Hence, Horowitz was only tending his main market segment when he, in 2009, told al Jazeera that H1N1 vaccines would cause sterility, as part of a plan of "pangenocide" against Muslims. He may also have been behind the identical claim circulated by Muslim clerics in Kano, Nigeria in 2003, leading to a resurgence of polio in North Africa. Visit his wikipage for more.

Obama’s unhinged sidekick Jeremiah Wright is also a huge fan of Horowitz.

You can get his products and a load of batshit insanity here. It is, however, over at our friends at whale.to that he can really shake of his inhibitions. Read about Bush, 9/11, anthrax, ebola and how the code-the words "Kissinger" and "Vaccination" both decipher to "666," the infamous "mark of the beast" here (and there's a collection of articles and opinions here; this is serious, serious insanity).

Even the FDA has noticed this raving tornado of whackery and enthropic lunacy, and issued a warning. He first came to their attentions weeks after the initial identification of the virus causing the 2003 SARS outbreak, when Horowitz and associates promoted what they claimed was an “effective treatment” for the disease, a naturopathic product line called "Urbani” after the first identified victim of Sars, Carlo Urbani,

In fact, even NASA has been forced to take action, since Lenny is plastering the colloidal silver he peddles with the NASA logo (since it is, according to Len, “NASA technology”).

Diagnosis: If Gary Null hadn’t existed, Lenny would have been the Kent Hovind of anti-vaccination and woo. He is still pretty close to the Platonic idea of lunacy and crackpottery. But he is not merely fun (like Arthur D. Horn), since his cunning peddling to the most susceptible can possibly be linked to rather extensive actual harm.

#178: Arthur David Horn

Arthur David Horn is not a creationist. He believes in guided evolution, a view that is common enough among religiously oriented Americans. But he’s got his own twist, of course. Modern man isn't the result of natural selection selection. Rather, evolution was artificially controlled by reptilian extraterrestrials who bred mankind as servants and continue to rule the planet today (from the shadows). The reptilians, devious rascals as they are, have subtly altered our perception of and understanding of history and hold power over humankind. They operate by directly controlling an elite group of humans. Can you guess who? Well, if it is not the Jews, it must be … the Illuminati (just spot the eye in the dollar bill!). He presented his views during a "Galactic Gathering" organized by The Institute for the Study of Galactic Civilizations. I cannot really find a website, but some info is given here, or perhaps here, or here - all seem delightfully whacky and unprofessional.

At least here you have Horn himself, giving you the details of his theory (including the twelfth planet). He even has Sumerian hieroglyphs and interpretations of them – and a fascinating web design. Horn was a pupil of Zecharia Sitchin. Guess which planet the twelfth one is … yep, it’s Nibiru, of Mayan Calendar fame. (We had planned an entry for Sitchin, but he disqualified himself by dying October 9th last year; a real pity – he was a gem).

For more on lizard people, you can check out the discussions on the blog belonging to the seriously mentally challenged (but British) David Icke.

Funny thing is that Horn (apparently) has a Ph.D. from Yale and was employed by Academia for a while (a biologist, in fact), but apparently something happened. It is claimed that it all changed when Arthur met his wife Lynette, a “metaphysical healer”, but something must have gone wrong before then, given that they met in July of 1988 when they spent a week in Northern California's Trinity Mountains searching for Sasquatch, commonly known as Bigfoot.

PZ Myers puts it in context here.

Diagnosis: Totally insane, of course, but completely harmless and kinda cute.

#176: Richard C. Hoagland

Up next is one of the main entries of our Encyclopedia of Loons, Richard Hoagland. He is, according the Enterprise Mission (Hoagland’s own organization), a former space museum curator, NASA advisor, and science adviser to Walter Cronkite and CBS news. Some window-dressing of facts is evidently going on here, as it is with respect to the claim that the Enterprise Mission is supported by many NASA senior officials, and has visited NASA centers multiple times.

Thing is, Richard Hoagland is ravingly insane. It is presumably in virtue of this qualification that he is also on the Board of Directors for American Antigravity.

Among other things, Hoagland is one of the most active promoters of Däniken-like theories in the States, and was the first to procure the ultimate evidence for the existence of a high-tech civilization period prior to the known Egyptian civilization, namely the infamous Abydo helicopter.

He is perhaps most famous, however, for his theory that the Face on Mars in Cydonia Mensae was made by aliens. He offers as proof many coincidences about ratios of angles formed by structures in Cydonia Mensae, most of which are made up. The rest is pure numerology. Apparently (according to Hoagland) it has something to do with crop circles.

But even that is only a start. Among his other claims is that Iapetus (one of Saturn’s moons) is artificial, and that there are semi-transparent glass structures on the moon. Now, you might ask: if these claims were true, why are they not better known?

Ahh … you don’t really need to ask, do you?

You see, NASA has covered up nearly every discovery they’ve made through space exploration (it is a little unclear why), and the conspiracy that the moon-landing was a hoax (common enough in Hoagland’s natural habitat) was set forth by NASA itself to divert attention from the real issues. NASA also murdered the Apollo 13 astronauts. And 9/11 was a Jewish-Masonic conspiracy with the US government. The 12 moon-walkers, who would be qualified to confirm the existence of lunar artifacts and glass structures, have of course had their memories selectively edited via hypnosis so that they no longer remember seeing evidence of a lunar civilization. Furthermore, interplanetary warfare is currently being waged right now in Earth orbit, conducted by factions of a secret supra-national World Government.

To give you a taster of Hoagland’s deranged mind, he claims that The Norwegian Spiral was more than a Russian missile test failing; rather, a torsion field weapon intercepted the missile
in mid-flight. Who was behind it? Well, most probably one of many "Nazi-derived off-world colonies". For what purpose? To intimidate Obama (who was accepting his Nobel Peace prize in Oslo at that time) – and it was successful, Hoagland claims, since Obama subsequently cancelled the Constellation program. Hence, Obama was "blackmailed (...) Into "imprisoning" Humanity on Earth ....". Oh, those darn Jewish-Masonic Nazi Muslim Aliens terrorizing the stratosphere, always causing trouble.

He has also proposed a form of physics he calls 'hyperdimensional physics' based on the work of pseudoscientific overunity claimant Thomas E. Bearden (briefly discussed here), who might be a notch more delusionally cranky than even Hoagland, thus proving to be an irresistible magnet for the latter.

Hoagland is discussed in some detail here, and there is more food for thought in the wikipedia article (he is, among other things, a global warming denialist, though for interesting and unusual reasons).

Diagnosis: Astronomy’s answer to Ken Ham – with conspiracy theories attached (every conceivable one) – who thinks X-files is a documentary and apparently believes every single random claim that enters his head (entertaining a hypothesis without accepting it is apparently not a skill he has managed to develop). It is unclear how harmful he is, but he has achieved some notoriety and fame. Well deserved.

#159: Harold Green

Harold Green may be a relatively minor figure. He makes up for that through his sheer amount of lunacy, however, and by being a colorful fellow. Harold Green is apparently the go-to-guy if you’ve got questions about the quadrant sign code conspiracy (and have already determined that you want a certain kind of answer). So what’s that? “Embedded in our nation's road sign system is a secret coding designed to target vital sites, facilities, routes and resources for military confiscation during a National Emergency. Though, concealed by the lies of the Department of Transportation for many years”. Right … it starts sounding a little more ominous when you add: “Secretly embedded codes like these [pictures on his website] are part of "Operation Garden Plot" where U.S. forces/National Guard and *Partnership* NATO/UN military will police and patrol our streets and highways during MARTIAL LAW.” He even found the name for the campaign. He doesn’t tell us where, as far as I can see, but I think I’m able to guess.

Oh, he does have proof – meaning proof that there exist official emergency measures in case of nuclear attacks. That’s hardly a secret. However, he doesn’t need any further premises confirmed in order to go from that to “The United Nations military has plans to become the cop soldiers of the world. Unknown to the general populace, a "Rapid Deployment" force stands ready to enter U.S. borders at the request of the President of the United States.” Somehow, pictures of reflective marks on roadsigns are supposed to establish that – and that these signs are marking where the military can, apparently at random, confiscate property.

And that’s the first point of this overly paranoid world-picture – the UN is ready to seize your property under any pretext, and these signs supposedly show them what to seize. The second point is that the measures are not there in case of emergency – the government and UN are in a conspiracy to put these plans of confiscating property into action any day now. It’s really all about the dangers of the U.N. and their wicked plans to overthrow the United States of America (and the UN is really evil, as the criminally insane Texe Marrs point out). And then there are passages referring to the Bilderbergers, Kissinger, black helicopters and links to creation science websites. His whole webiste strikes one, in a cute way, of being constructed by a mental health patient who is desperately but not quite successfully trying to appear sane when he tries to convince you that his main worry is a real one.

Harold Green is a “constitutionalist” and a militia guy, providing an interesting glimpse into that paranoid segment of society. He is also a committed rapture-will-come-soon Biblical fundamentalist.

Diagnosis: Thoroughly kooky, and presumably completely harmless on his own. The kind of extreme paranoia he lives under is common enough to be at least worrisome, however.
(ed. note - Unable to locate a photo of the correct Harold Green (it's especially difficult because there is a more famous fictional Harold Green out there, who I presume isn't the same guy), so I've included one of his photos of "coded" signs instead.)

#157: Ron Graham

If Billy Graham is in many ways a tactful and (relatively) sane proponent of fluffy-feelgood Biblical literalism, then his namesake Ron is his maniacal, deranged, twisted and distorted mirror-image. The latter is an uncompromising fundamentalist who criticizes those, like Billy, who try to change God to suit their personal beliefs and wishes (i.e. making him anything but a psychotic mass-murderer). See him criticize people for taking verses out of context, and doing the exact same thing himself when trying to prove that God isn't quite as nasty as his actions, words and apparent intentions really entail. In this one he also apparently claims that any non-Christian is non-human (so God’s killing them would more be like pest control taking care of ants, or gardeners cutting down the tall weeds, as they used to put it in Rwanda). His argument-style is called SPAG, and it’s probably fun.

If you want to leaf through Graham’s rants (not necessarily recommended), you’ll find the collection here. Graham is a Biblical literalist. No, really – he is really, really a literalist. Meaning (mostly) that he assumes Medieval musers’ (Dante, Pico etc.) interpretation. That doesn’t go very well with science, of course, but Graham is willing to bite any bullet that comes his way: “Scientists would have us all believe that the edge of the universe is billions of light years away […]. I submit to all those enthralled by man’s fabrications that the heavens are simply rolled out as a scroll just as the Bible states. I’ll even take it a step further and say that all we humans see in the night sky, as far as deep space is concerned, is only a wonderful holograph, an illusion if you will. Well, my theory is no more farfetched than that of the proponents of billions of years.” Except that intuition and incredulity aren’t really the arbiters of scientific truth. Furthermore “[S]cientists tell us it all occurred with a big bang. God was there in the beginning, where were the scientists?” That one will sure be a partypooper at any physics conference, I bet. I suppose it is redundant to mention what Graham thinks about evolution (but if you insist). His whole view of science is summed up here.

At least he has some charming views about those who disagree with him. It is supposedly watertight - since he speaks the words of God (SPAG), it follows that those who disagree with him speak the voice of Satan.

And of course there is the usual stuff: “the real landslide of the decay of our society began years ago when we allowed the Bible to be taken out of our public schools. Soon after that we had the legalization of abortion and the teaching the lie of evolution as a fact not as a theory, even to the exclusion of any other possible scenario for life to have occurred on earth. Then, more recently, we’ve seen the teaching in our public schools of the abomination of homosexuality as being a fully acceptable and normal lifestyle.”

Diagnosis: Completely insane, and the kind of figure bad parents use to scare their children – an excellent Halloween prop, really. It is hard to imagine that he has many followers, but you never know.

#133: Gerald Flurry

Flurry is the founder and Pastor General of the Philadelphia Church of God (PCG; (visit the website here), based in Edmond, Oklahoma, and presenter of the television program The Key of David, editor in chief of The Philadelphia Trumpet magazine, and founder and chancellor of Herbert W. Armstrong College in Edmond, Oklahoma. It is taught within his church that Flurry is That Prophet, a divinely appointed successor to Herbert W. Armstrong, akin to Elisha after Elijah. Or something.

In his magazine Flurry writes an article in each issue detailing how America is falling apart because her youth do not follow his interpretation of God's values. This includes but is not limited to articles on how Universities undermine America's values: “American colleges and universities actually encourage people to indulge in SOME OF THE MOST REPUGNANT IMMORALITY IN THE HISTORY OF MAN! We lead the world to sexual immorality” (Flurry is a fan of random capitalization). Sexual interaction between consenting individuals at universities represent “SOME OF THE MOST IMMORAL ACTS IN HUMAN HISTORY”, right after the invention of science. In short, sex is the cause of the downfall of America.

Apparently, God was also responsible for the Haiti earthquake because the people there weren’t Christian enough – if you think of it, Flurry is actually a couple of notches more insane than Pat Robertson, though less influential. Oh, and Germany is ruled by the Nazis – that is, the old Nazis, since they survived WWII and are still running shop, apparently (visit the website here). He is really scared of Germany.

He also publishes “Malachi's Message to God’s Church Today” and distribute it to as many Worldwide Church of God (Armstrong’s original churcn, which Flurry broke away from and apparently thinks is the devil) members as possible. According to Flurry, Malachi's Message is the “little book” of Revelation 10, a part of Revelation hidden by God until 1989.

Members of PCG are not allowed to associate with heathens (especially not members of the Worlwide Church of God), and there is a requirement is for Armstrong College students to remove themselves from all social networking sites, especially Facebook and My Space, because they risk coming in touch with heathens there. All of Flurry’s sermons are distributed locally on CDs which are subsequently destroyed after everyone has heard them (you are not supposed to listen to them twice; (this is a website for a competing sect, apparently)).

Notorious members of PCG include Dennis Leap and Andrew Locher.

Diagnosis: Yet another clinically insane Messiah-wannabe cultmaster (PCG is a small cult empire, in fact); he has a fair share of followers, actually, though his impact is minimal beyond those. Stay far, far away from this guy. Lots of people in Internet discussions seem to agree that he is mad, mostly for the wrong reasons.