Friday, December 13, 2013

#829: Larry Kilgore

Larry Kilgore is what they call a “Texas conservative Christian activist and political activist.” Which means “frothingly insane Taliban nutjob.” Kilgore is primarily known as a perennial candidate for various political positions on a Texas secessionist platform. Feel free to watch one of his secessionist rallies here, where he emphasizes that “I hate the U.S.” and the flag. Other speakers at the rally included secessionist Daniel Miller, who has claimed to be the legal president of the government of the Republic of Texas.

When Kilgore ran in the Republican gubernatorial primaries against Rick Perry he did manage to get himself 7.6 % of the vote (he had an aborted fetus on the front page of his campaign website; some other curious tidbits can be found here, such as “[t]he US has a history of invading sovereign nations and Texas is one of them”). For the 2014 elections he is apparently planning to change his middle name to “Secede”.

But what would he do as governor of a free Texas? “My first priority as governor will be to submit to Biblical law given to us by the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, Jesus Christ. My job, according to 1st Peter 2:14, will be to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right.” Aha. Institute a theocracy. Then he would institue the following legal system:

- 1–40 lashes for crime of maliciousness, like graffiti, porn, strip clubs.
- Execution for crime of murder including abortion. (Exodus 21:12, 21:22–23)
- Execution for crime of adultery. (Leviticus 20:10)
- Execution for crime of homosexual acts. (Leviticus 20:13)
- Execution for crime of deadly negligence, like a DWI fatality. (Exodus 21:29)
- Illegal immigrants should receive a minimum punishment of five lashes, $3,000 fine & deportation.

It’s sure gonna be a nice place.

Kilgore’s supporters include Flip Benham of OperationRescue/OSA and Michael Marcavage of Repent America.

Diagnosis: Breathtaking


  1. Wow. I wonder how many lashes he has to give himself every time he gets an erection from dreamily writing "Republic of Texas" over and over in his my little pony notebook??

  2. "My first priority as governor will be to submit to Biblical law"

    99% chance that this yoyo manages to have this plan whilst simultaneously being terrified of "sharia law", without even a GLIMMER of how similar the two would be...