Wednesday, June 27, 2012

#338: Pat Robertson

Robertson is a founding member of the Taliban satellite known as the 700 Club, a Christian ultra-extremist terrorist group funded by TV telethons. When people call in, Robertson will cure them for whatever illness they may have by hollering his ever-faithful servant, God, and make Him perform the trick – or to smite down people Robertson doesn’t particularly fancy. Robertson views himself as God’s personal messenger on earth (read that as “Pat da boss, Jesus his muscle man”), and claims to have direct contact with the prophets (yes, those prophets). This is a source of information Robertson uses to predict disasters that will happen to people who don’t behave the way Robertson thinks God ought to want people to behave. He often makes his predictions after a disaster has already struck, but there are the annual exceptions (we are still waiting for Orlando to be destroyed by a meteor). In fact, Robertson strikes one as a slightly eccentric, utterly delusional and repugnantly evil version of the wizard Tim: “Hurricane, In the name of Jesus I take authority over you and command you to change course. In the name of Jesus I command you to turn away from Virginia Beach now. You will turn south and then east and strike the wicked godless heathen land of Cuba instead. Amen.” Chants Pat. He also prophesied the end of times to happen in 1980, 1982, 1985, 1996 and 2007. His 2012 predictions are here (he also has first-hand testimonial from Jesus that Obama will disintegrate America, the only remedy being prayer and sending Robertson money).

For example, 9/11 is really the responsibility of the ACLU and abortionists, and the Haiti earthquake can obviously be blamed on the Haitians’s old pact with the devil. In fact, Robertson is a full-scale conspiracy theorist; his claim that Obama is directly behind the Occupy Wall Street protests is just one example among many. In 1982 he published a book called “The New World Order” which dealt with, you know, the new world order, and relied heavily on the writings of certified madman Eustace Mullins as well as (allegedly – though Cumbey is not an entirely trustworthy source) plagiarizing Constance Cumbey. Robertson’s expertise on matters meteorological and geological is described here.

Robertson, whose views tend toward the anti-semitic, also claimed that Ariel Sharon suffered a stroke because of his ungodly leniency toward the Palestinians. That did not go down particularly well with the Israeli government, but then, despite his support of Israel, he doesn’t think much of Judaism and does claim that all Jews must convert to Christianity – in order to not prevent but usher in the end times. Robertson has also claimed that feminism leads to witchcraft, infanticide and gay socialism, and that “Many of those people involved in Adolph Hitler were Satanists. Many of them were homosexuals. The two things seem to go together,” though he didn’t provide any sources for the claim. You can find more anti-gay quotes here. A novel one is: “[Gays] want to come into churches and disrupt church services and throw blood all around and try to give people AIDS and spit in the face of ministers.” And there is, of course, this one.

Robertson, not being satisfied with his role as a fire and brimstone prophet, faith healer, Televangelical and media mogul (he also founded the Christian Broadcasting Network, which is currently run by his son Gordon), is also a dietary and healthcare advisor and lifestyle consultant – he is famous for bragging about how he leg-pressed 2000 pounds, all because of his wonderful special protein shake.

But really, Robertson is without doubt one of the most repugnantly evil people alive. For example - The 700 Club runs the charity called Operation Blessing. Operation Blessing is advertised as helping people in need in 3rd world countries. That, however, is just for telethon purposes. In reality, Operation Blessing is a front for Robertson's multifarious crimes against humanity in Africa. In the 1990s, for instance, Operation Blessing used money collected to help refugees in Rwanda to finance planes transporting diamond-mining equipment for the Robertson-owned African Development Corporation, a venture Robertson had established in cooperation with Zaire's then-dictator, Mobutu Sese Seko. Seko was an old friend of Robertson’s – as was Liberia’s dictator Charles Taylor, whom Robertson tried to help by swaying the American government because Robertson owns a gold mine in Liberia. Robertson also supported Gbagbo, by the way, presumably because he was of the right religion. Although he hasn’t explicitly hearted Anders Breivik, this comes dangerously close.

Robertson’s general level of insanity can be discerned from this selection of quotes. For instance: “Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history.” No, Mr. Robertson, I don’t think you are entirely accurate here, and I don’t Christians count as a “minority” in the US. But then, Robertson is legendary when it comes to failed analogies. And failed reasoning.

And his views on evolution? “I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: If there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God, you just rejected him from your city.”

There’s another (slightly overlapping) list of quotes here. And there’s of course this one. In fact, Robertson has said rather a lot of stupid things. To reach something close to the bottom, you can read about him interviewing James Inhofe here. Or watch his reaction to the fact that America is taking steps to prevent gay people from getting killed around the world.

Here is Robertson’s cohost Kristi Watts not quite understanding the Establishment Clause.

Diagnosis: He’s Pat Robertson! What more diagnosis do you need?


  1. Pat Robertson is a Christian first, and an American second, but that’s apparently OK, since he is not a Muslim. He would apparently be aghast if a Muslim said the same about his or her religion. Pat Robertson is (of course) convinced that the left, the gays and Muslim extremists share an agenda (explicitly: to impose sharia law in the US). The evidence is straightforward: all those groups hate America. It is less clear how Robertson derived the prediction (apart from pulling it out of his own mental muddle); even less clear how he manages to make his prediction fit the data. I suppose the answer is hate and ignorance.

    Oh, and here is an apt birthday salute: Happy Birthday, Pat.

    By the way, would you believe it, but from Robertson you can learn that
    homosexuality is “related to demonic possession”.

    He has also more than suggested Robertson suggesting anti-semitism, and said that scientists cannot speculate about the origin of life, apparently because he (Robertson) may not like the answers.

    And keep in mind: if his faith healing doesn’t work for you it’s your own fault. In that respect he’s actually exactly like more or less every other woo-meister out there.

  2. As always, no one identifies the important political issues of today as Pat Robertson. Thus, as a response to the fact that wife-beating is generally frowned upon in the West today, he suggests moving to Saudi-Arabia, where such god-given rights are more universally recognized.

  3. And ... the imaginary war on Christmas is allegedly on. Good to know, and we would - in fact - never have discovered if Pat hadn't told us, for obvious reasons.

  4. There is a useful summary of Robertson's 2012 predictions, and their accuracy, here.

  5. Robertson argues that “demonic Islam” isn’t a religion, but an economic and political system. It makes sense for Robertson to say this, however. After all, it is exactly what Robertson himself views his own brand of Christianity to be.

    He has also realigned his opinions with standard wingnut denialism and gone climate change denialist (I suppose climate change is one of those things that, in Robertson’s mind, for which liberals use schools as gulags to indoctrinate youth), and furthermore recommended praying over clothes bought second-hand to clean them of demons before bringing them into your home.

  6. Robertson seems to be going for the world record in lack of self-awareness.

    You can see him flail out at "doctrinaire environmentalist fanatics" here - and miss rather badly. According to Robertson, environmentalists may cause the deaths of a couple of billion people. They don't see that, of course, because - as opposed to Robertson - environmentalists don't have a hotline to God's truth, and their science, evidence and reason can hardly match up with Robertson's divine powers of intuition.

    He has also bought into the rightwing conspiracy myth that the government is preparing for a battle against "us" and therefore hoarding ammunition and (presumably) setting up concentration camps for all the good Christians. The main evidence is that Robertson's particular branch of fundamentalism feeds off of persecution complexes and paranoia, the wingnut favored substitute for reason.

  7. Why do poor people in Africa have more miracles than we do (assumption not supported with evidence)? Robertson, not otherwise known for his care to avoid being condescending, has an answer: Americans know too much science, while people overseas are “simple, humble” and God loves ‘em more.

    Although it is easy to interpret Robertson as merely radically pro-Israel (claiming that Ariel Sharon’s stroke and the assassination of Yitzhak Rabin were signs from God), it strikes one that his real stance is simply opposition to any form of peace in the Middle East.

    And he has finally weighed in on the nefariousness of Dungeons & Dragons: demonic rituals that have literally destroyed people’s lives.

  8. Robertson has also started to push Illuminati conspiracies. He needs something like this, since he appears to be under the impression that Planned Parenthood is inspired by Adolf Hitler in their fanatic push for genocide against the African-American community.

    On another note, he has also claimed that security cameras are ushering in the end times, and he has recently also further elaborated on his feminist approach to social issues.

    Finally, in an example of stupendous lack of self-awareness, Robertson - who has claimed that God told him that Romney would win in 2012 - has warned his viewers against false prophets.

  9. He’s getting old. Like a phantom straight out of the 1980s, Robertson linked suicide to “demonic games” like Dungeons and Dragons, which he put on par with bulimia and anorexia. Here is Robertson’s advice on how to deal with a haunted house: exorcism (also here)

    But at least Robertson is not anti-gay. No; you see, that’s not possible, since gays are just confused straight people. They don’t “really” exist, in other words. He does, though fear that Christians will soon have to go to jail in the US for saving gays from hell and stopping them from destroying the country. After all, persecution is already everywhere. For instance, SUV owners are treated like witches these days, even though climate change according to Robertson actually helps the environment and civilization (he doesn’t go into details, though).

    This, though, must be a world record in lack of self-irony – Robertson actually calls disaster prophecies “nutty” and “from the pit of hell”. Here he warns us to expect natural disasters and divine wrath over the US role in mediating peace talks between the Israelis and the Palestinians.

  10. Pat Robertson rambles on, and it is hard to keep up with the delusionally and dangerously stupid. He did receive some flak for his claim that gay people deliberately spread HIV by cutting people with special rings. (Being dimly aware that this was somewhat controversial, he tried, unsuccessfully, to cover it up.). He has also pushed a (discredited, of course) conspiracy theory blaming WHO polio experiments for AIDS. More here.

    Here is a rather useful documentary on Robertson’s inhumane antics in Africa (though Robertson sure doesn’t like people exposing his dishonesty.

    In other news, he has recently blamed 9/11 on the separation of church and state (which is how Bush, naively, came to invite radical Muslim fifth-columnists to America. Yes, Robertson’s rant is as insane as you suspect.) He has also attempted to argue that San Antonio will put Christians in jail over anti-discrimination policy (having a Biblical view of sexuality has, according to Robertson (falsely, if that needed saying), been “criminalized” in San Antonio). Meanwhile, liberalism still leads to nazism.

    Being no fan of Obamacare, Robertson has sketched his own healthcare plan: Send him money. A good example of how this would pan out is here (blame the patient has never been taken to more exalted levels). Demons are apparently part of it. According to Robertson secret demonic objects in your house could give you headaches. And here he diagnoses a viewer as having been exposed to demonic presences by her Muslim neighbor.

  11. Pat Robertson's 2014 predictions are out. And there was much rejoicing.

  12. Well, although Robertson for once appeared on the side of reason over the creationists’ objections to the recent rebooting of Cosmos, he cannot exactly be said to be a friend of science. For instance, he continues to think that climate change is refuted because it is cold in the winter, and that climate change is a myth created by money hungry scientists. (Which must be one of the silliest and most incoherent ideas ever entertained.)

    It’s not his only conspiracy theory, of course; he is still pushing the claim that Obama is a secret Muslim, and still fears an Islamist-atheist takeover of America (pointing out that it is islamist-atheists who are pushing the separation of church and state, an abomination in Robertson’s eyes, apparently).

    He also believes that homosexuality is contagious. Perhaps he thinks that this is the reason it is un-American to oppose anti-gay segregation bills.

    Oh, and for miscellaneous insanity, here he argues that it is OK for first cousins to marry “as long as they avoid having some mongoloid child.” Here he argues that horror movies could lead to demonic possession, and here he recalls a doctor raising a patient from the dead with prayer – needless to say abstaining to provide the kind of detail that would allow anyone to verify the claim.

  13. Thank god he's gone!

    Rot in hell bastard!!!

  14. Thank god he's gone!

    Rot in hell bastard!!!

  15. Would playing "Ding-Dong, the Witch is Dead" be uncalled for?