Tuesday, May 28, 2013

#571: Alex Chiu

Alex Chiu is certainly among the craziest people on the Internet, and there are plenty of crazy people on the Internet (Insolitology deemed him the second greatest Internet kook). He achieved some additional fame through being the target of a Daily Show episode in 1999, and his website is here (yes, it needs to be seen in its glorious insanity; see also this).

According to himself Chiu is immortal, and may be the greatest inventor in history and a prophet of God. The former quality is most prominently displayed through his Immortality Rings and Gorgeouspil. The Immortality Rings are (apparently) magnets that people wear as rings, and which makes the wearers immortal since cells heal crooked,” and have apparently (according to Chiu) been endorsed by none other than Kevin Trudeau (the endorsement is given here, which also seems to be a website run by Chiu). He does have a patent on them (and there is a money back guarantee, though I suppose any such claim must be filed in person), but the patent description is not entirely intelligible. One reason he has offered for why people need to invest in his rings, by the way, is that cemeteries are gay”, which is a truly excellent reason. Gorgeouspil, on the other hand, is substance that if eaten when wearing the Immortality Rings makes people as beautiful and perfect as Alicia Silverstone. There’s a great discussion here.

His other great inventions have not been commercially released, unfortunately, since there is a danger they may fall into the wrong hands”. Among these inventions are the Super Chi Flush (cures cancer and blindness), the ability to cast spells, and a machine that cures people from being handicapped. Future ideas include resurrecting people using magnets (lots) and cloning, and a teleportation device. Here’s his New Darwinism”, his newly invented theory directed at scientists. It has thus far failed to revolutionize the discipline.

His political views are less coherent. Apparently communism is the Anti-Christ, but China ought to invade Taiwan (where Chiu hails from), and the Chinese government is beyond reproach. Furthermore everything the Torah says is true, and anyone who fails to believe in the Torah Prophecies will wear the Mark of the Beast with which the communists are already branding everyone. His work as a prophet concerns primarily his prophecy that China will invade the US in 2005. He also offers financial advice and tells those interested about how the government cheated him for royalties when he solved the economic crisis.

Diagnosis: A phenomenon

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